Wifey Material: "Jenn"

This is from the Facebook event page set up by a friend for her house party next month. No pictures this time, to protect anonymity. But trust me, she's a cutie. Unfortunately for every guy who's not her boyfriend, she's also taken.

So Jesus might hang glide, but so would we…if we were drunk enough. But what wouldn’t Jesus do? I’m pretty sure He wouldn’t hook a pink hose up to a utility sink, run it through a window and out to the backyard for a slip ‘n slide on a tarp…but we will. He wouldn’t do a keg stand, because everyone would see up his robe…but [L] did (she just puts on men’s boxer’s first). He wouldn’t slam his finger in a door, break it, the.n wait 8 hours to realize a hospital, stitches, and minor surgery should be involved…but EJ did. Jesus wouldn’t create a Team page for himself on Facebook…but [C] did (p.s. You should all go on there and “like” it). Jesus wouldn’t fall off a table drunk at his own house trying to climb through a window, and then require a Tetanus shot for preventative measures…but RJ did. And I happen to know for a fact that Jesus wore underwear at all times….[O] and [TD] don’t. Jesus did all of the wonderful things he did out of the goodness of his heart because he was selfless, not because he craved attention…like [B] does. You guys smelling what I’m stepping in? Jesus wouldn’t do all those crazy, f*cked up things, because he put us on this Earth to do them for him. Duh. And even better, he made us all friends, so we could enjoy these shenanigans together.

The party’s at my house, September 10th. Bring whatever you want. Bring whoever you want. Just don’t bring anyone I think is a whore or a douche. See ya then!

Bless her heart.